


Came Back...Wrong?

by egosoffire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Loss of Powers, Other, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23958013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egosoffire/pseuds/egosoffire
Summary: Loki has come back from the dead but has lost shapeshifting ability.Discussion of genderfluidity, gender identity.
Relationships: Loki & Peter Parker, Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 247
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Came Back...Wrong?

**Author's Note:**

> Endgame AU - Tony's alive, Loki's back from the dead but has lost his powers, and Peter Parker is a transgender male.

“I don’t know what I can do for him.”

Thor’s words were deflated, tired; it was something Tony understood completely. In the aftermath of Thanos, everyone was struggling to find their place in the world. Tony, as the man who ended it all, was working with the consequences. The radiation had ravaged his body, effects he was sure would last him the rest of his life. Doctors hadn’t even begun to figure out the long-term effects.

Tony was determined to live whatever life he had left to the fullest, but it was hard sometimes, looking at the shredded stump of his arm, feeling the weakness and decay inside.

Apparently, he wasn’t the only one struggling to adjust to the new world. Loki had returned from the grave changed.

“He lost his magic, right?” Tony asked, crossing the room and joining the god on the sofa. “Is that all that’s bothering him?"

Thor looked over with a sigh of discontent. He adjusted his eyepatch and turned slightly so that he could look right at Tony.

“I shouldn’t be burdening you with this…”

“Because of this?” Tony asked with a chuckle, gesturing to his missing arm. “Nah, that’s old news. Talk to me.”

“His magical ability is completely depleted,” Thor said hesitantly. “We aren’t sure why, exactly. Several of the other Asgardians who made it here are speculating that it has something to do with energy and power and the displacement of time when you…you know…”

Tony tried to suppress the little laugh that bubbled up. People didn’t seem to want to talk about what he had done. It made them profoundly uncomfortable.

“He’s always had this ability?” Tony asked, trying to get a feel for the situation. He wasn’t too aware of Asgardian life, or politics, or magic. There had to be a reason that Loki was so distressed. 

“Yes. He’s always been an exceptional sorcerer. Our mother taught him from a very young age…”

“It must feel like, well, losing a limb,” Tony said, cracking up at his own joke. 

He snorted and looked up. Eased by his laughter, Thor chuckled too.

“Why don’t I talk to him?”

Thor looked up, a little surprised. 

“You would do that?”

“Sure,” Tony said decisively. “I mean, I haven’t had much to do lately, and I have a feeling he’ll be a great conversation partner.” 

Thor’s people had begun to resettle in their own small Norwegian town, but those who weren’t ready, or those who refused to settle were staying at the tower. Loki had told Thor that there was no place for him among the survivors of Asgard, so he had holed himself away in a small room at the corner of Thor’s floor. Tony, being Tony, had full access, which he decided to take full advantage of.

He found Loki alone in one of the common areas of the floor. Apparently, gods had pity parties too. The drink in Loki’s hand was a nice touch, as was the ragged look on his somber face.

“Rough day?”

Loki stood, eyes wide. 

“Stark, I…”

“We’re on the same side now, aren’t we?”

“Depends.”

“On?” Tony asked, tilting his head to the side.

Loki took a swift step towards him. His confidence was somewhat irresistible. Tony could imagine he made a lot of friends on Asgard with that swagger, especially when it wasn’t marred by whatever depressed funk he was in. 

“On whether you ask me if I’m alright,” Loki replied with a slight smirk. “I am very tired of that particular line of questioning.”

“Me too. I won’t.”

Loki gaped, clearly taken aback by that.

“I…thanks.”

“Can I join you?” Tony asked, gesturing to the sofa in the middle of the common area. 

Loki hadn’t been sitting on it. Instead, he had been leaning against it, staring pensively across the room. When Loki said nothing, Tony immediately sat down, stretching.

“I won’t ask if you’re okay because it’s apparent that you’re not,” Tony pointed out. 

“No, I’m not.”

“I’m not either.”

Loki seemed surprised by that. He walked around the sofa and sat beside Tony. 

“I suppose that’s expected,” he said after a moment. “You’ve lost your arm, and you’re not well…”

“You lost something too.”

“It’s petty and small in comparison…”

“It isn’t, not to you.”

Loki didn’t speak for a long time. The air between them was thick with sadness, with things unsaid. It was comforting, in a way. Tony liked knowing that there was someone else who wasn’t sure how to rebuild, how to move on. Too much had changed, and normal had been obliterated.

“I can’t change my form.”

Loki’s words came out of the silence like a gunshot. Then, the words just poured out of him. Why they hadn’t for Thor, or someone else, Tony had no idea… 

“I came back wrong. I don’t know why I came back from death if I was going to be like this. My ability to change forms, it’s more than something silly… It’s me… I just don’t know if I can continue living like this. I know that’s so selfish because I have everything to live for, rebuilding Asgard, Thor, but…”

“What is it?” Tony asked. Under all of Loki’s ranting, he suspected that there was something more there. If he just inched beneath the surface, he would find it. “Why are you so scared of being unable to transform?”

“It’s my body.” 

Loki met Tony’s eyes, and Tony swore he understood the non-verbal exchange between them. Loki was accepted Tony as a confidant, someone he trusted entirely. It was strange, given their pasts.

“A male body, for the most part, is perfectly acceptable,” Loki said dryly, swallowing a few times like he was trying to find his words. “I stay that way more often than not, but I’m not… I’m not male. I know that’s probably hard for a Midgardian to understand…”

“Are you female?” 

Loki shook his head.

“Neither, both,” he chuckled shaking his head somberly. “On Asgard, I tended to shift based on my mood. I spent more time in this body because it was easiest and I was known as… this, but… not always. The fact that I don’t have the ability is driving me mad. I know that it’s absolutely a childish reaction and that there are so many worse things, like being dead or…”

“Is ‘he’ okay for a pronoun or…” 

“I don’t care. I like both. She would be nice tonight, but I…shift. I’m supposed to shift.” 

Loki took a long look at Tony, then Tony couldn’t help a smile. It was something to see the person who was once an enemy now so humbled and tired. 

_ She  _ needed to know she wasn’t alone. 

“Loki, do you mind people knowing about you?” he asked softly. “That you don’t always identify as male. I know that here it can be hard to be open and honest with people about those parts of yourself.” 

“I don’t care if anyone knows.”

“Then give me a second.” 

-

Tony stepped down the hallway and then whispered to his trusty AI sidekick.  


“Hey, Friday. Peter’s on the premise, right?”  


“Yes, Peter’s here,” she answered immediately, her voice echoing through the speakers embedded in the walls. “He’s on the third floor. Probably the kitchens. Do you need him?”  


“Yeah, can you ask him to come up here to floor-”  


“I know where you are, Mr. Stark.”   


“Smartass.”  


He swore he heard the AI chuckle. They were becoming too much like the man who created them. That was a scary thought.   


It took no time at all for Peter to arrive on the floor. The teenager stepped out of the elevator and then looked over Tony’s shoulder, straight to Loki. Loki, of course, noticed the teen’s presence, but he did not approach them yet.

“What do you need Mr. Stark?” Peter asked, eying Loki warily. Good, the kid had some sensibility.

“I… I know you’re not out to the whole group, kid, but I was wondering if you’d be comfortable telling Loki,” Tony said, keeping his voice low. He didn’t want Loki to hear them in case Peter was absolutely against the idea. He thought he knew the kid well enough, but there was no way it would be okay to out someone without their consent - ever. 

Peter raised an eyebrow.

“Why would I want to tell Loki?”

“Loki’s… in a situation right now where it would really benefit.  _ She  _ wants to be addressed as  _ she  _ right now.” 

Peter’s eyes widened with sudden recognition.

The teenager immediately rushed over to Loki. Tony didn’t need to say another word. 

“Why is the child here?” Loki asked as Peter approached, with Tony close behind.

“I’m here because Mr. Stark thinks I can help you.” Peter plopped down dramatically on one of the sofas. Loki raised an eyebrow, and Tony just shrugged. 

“So, I’m transgender.” Peter’s words were blunt, chipper, and Tony couldn’t love the kid more. 

“Transgender,” Loki repeated.  


“Yep. Born female and raised that way for twelve years.” Peter winced in distaste. “I’m lucky. I told my Uncle Ben when I was twelve, and he and Aunt May were cool about it. They didn’t really get it, exactly, but Uncle Ben was the kind who always wanted to expand his knowledge. So, he looked up a bunch of transgender things and helped me get everything together…”   


Loki looked at them both, and Tony could see that she was shellshocked.  


“I’m not… exactly the same,” she managed. “I… I identify as male much of the time, but… but not always. I had the ability to physically change my body when I felt female and… I can’t anymore.”  


Peter looked to Tony in surprise, and Tony nodded sympathetically. This was a lot for a kid, and he knew Peter couldn’t solve Loki’s problems, but he did want her to feel like she wasn’t so alone.  


“I know that’s out of your league,” he told Peter softly. “Mine too. I just wanted Loki to know she isn’t alone.”   


“Well,” Peter said decisively. “I mean, changing your body is so cool. I’d love to have that and not the hormones and stuff. But there are other things you can do.”   
Loki tilted her head to the side curiously.  


“What do you mean?”

“I mean, gender’s not just what your body looks like,” Peter pointed out wisely. “Stuff like surgery and hormones and…magic…” Peter paused to laugh at that, the idea of magic still absurd to him, even after all they’d been through. “Those things help with the bad feelings, but they’re not everything.”   


“They’re not?” Loki asked.  


“Nope.” Peter grinned. “You’re a woman when you want to be a woman. Simple as that.”  
Loki smiled somewhat, a strange expression. Her eyes looked far away.   


“Simple as that.”  


“I’m gonna go down and get some food. Be back.”   


Neither of them seemed to hear him.  


-

When Tony came back with two bags of food in hand, Peter and Loki didn’t even notice his arrival. They were deep in conversation and Peter was hanging off the end of the sofa laughing. 

“I bring food,” he said, setting down the bags. Doing it one-armed was strange. “Loki, you’re on Earth now. You need burgers. So many burgers.”

Loki smirked at that. “Sounds fantastic, Mr. Stark,” she said, sitting up and crossing her legs. There was something feminine her aura, even if her body didn’t reflect that. It felt like magic, but TOny knew that it was just confidence, security. 

After the food was consumed, Peter looked down at his phone. 

“I have to go,” he said. “Um, Ms. Loki… it was nice meeting you. Really. And Mr. Stark thank you for introducing us. It was really fun.” 

Peter rushed off in a flurry of teenage energy. 

Loki and Tony were silent for a moment.

Then, to Tony’s surprise, she reached out and touched his shoulder, just above the healing stump of his arm. Tony hadn’t been touched on that side since things had changed. 

“Tony, thank you,” Loki said softly. “Peter and I had a wonderful conversation. It…it helped a lot. I believed that when I came back, I got this second chance just to come back wrong. Turns out it wasn’t wrong at all. Just different.”

“Just different,” Tony agreed. “There’s a lot of that going on right about now, but we’re okay. We’ll be okay as long as we stick close to our family.”

Lok made a small sound. 

“Family,” she repeated. “Hmm, I do like that.” 

She leaned over and kissed him, just a brief brush of their lips and then a mischievous smirk lit up her eyes.

“Family, yes,” she repeated, reveling in his confusion. “I like it a lot.” 


End file.
